The Guide to Building Your Foundation for Growth and Happiness
"When you hold on to your history, you do it at the expense of your destiny."
Pastor TD Jakes spoke words of wisdom that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.
He quotes, " When you hold on to your history, you do it at the expense of your destiny."
Keep in mind, this also goes for relationships, friendships, and careers. Think about it, holding on to a rope for too long does what? It weakens your wrist and burns your hand, causing more damage than letting it go. People get stuck in their misery and lost in painful experiences. All while allowing life to pass them by. No more! Plant your feet. Come to terms with your deep rooted issues, and grow. This will happen only if you are ready to be the captain of your own ship. Excuses are the enemy of excellence. Your life story is not your life sentence. Build a positive foundation for yourself that sparks personal growth and happiness!
Here is my guide to building that foundation.
1) Stay away from mess:
Literally and figuratively, stay away from the mess. Until I began removing toxic relationships and friendships from my space, I didn't realize how much mess I was in! Consuming so much filth and gossip from people who you communicate with on a daily will infect your area for growth. Cut it off. It's okay to share with your friends that you no longer live in a space where drama is the primary focus. You have more important worries. Significant partners should fall in this conversation as well if he or she is bringing chaos and confusion to the table. Snip. Snip.
Speaking of tables, mess, and chaos. Along with your emotional space, de-clutter your physical space. How do you feel coming home from school and seeing your room clean and clothes folded? I'm assuming you feel happy that mom completed your bedroom chores for you. One less mess you have to worry about. Imagine having to come, complete homework, study for an exam, eat dinner with the family, and clean your room before the morning. Hectic! The point is, physical clutter can consume your mind and overwhelm you. Tidy up your space to the best of your abilities, and give yourself room to think!
2) Eat healthier and exercise:
It is true. You are what you eat, and you become what you feed your body. Coming from someone whose weight has fluctuated over the course of 10 years, I can attest to the notion that proper food fuels your energy. Your ability to stay focused also strengthens when the body receives its nutrients. On my previous blog post, I share the 30 day cleanse I began on New Years day, inspired by Dr. Oz. The blood-sugar friendly diet restricts me to proteins, complex carbs, healthy fats, and vegetables. I must admit, eating six small meals a day has me feeling more rejuvenated than before, especially at work. Working in retail part-time has me on my feet seven hours a day, three days out of the week. I enjoy having that extra splash of energy instead of feeling drained and sluggish.
3) Do the little things that make YOU happy/ Know who you are:
Ask yourself this question. What is it that makes you happy? The answer to this question should not be based around a person. While I understand how your family, friends, or even your significant other can be part of your happiness, I want you to think outside of that box. When you are on your own time and in your own space, what is it that you enjoy doing? This is how you get to know yourself. Personally, I enjoy spending time in my bathroom. Blasting either early 2000 R&B songs and dancing. I have friends who search Pinterest for bedroom inspiration. I know people who love painting or drawing during their free time, while some enjoy reading, writing, shopping, binge watching tv shows, community service projects, or working with animals. These are activities that feed your soul. This is part of who you are! Do them!
4) Write down small weekly, monthly, and yearly goals:
Key word is small. While having "Become a millionaire by 30" as your goal is admirable, lets scale back a bit. A journey of 1000 miles begins with one small step. Statistics show that we follow through with our goals when they are not far stretched. The perfect weekly goal could be, "Finish laundry by Sunday." or "Respond to important emails by the end of the day Friday." Monthly goals can be related to something as simple as "Save 100 by the end of the Month." Literally anything. One of my friends set a goal to buy herself a car by the end of the year, and she was able to do so because she gave herself a realistic time frame.
5) Have a calendar:
I just bought a massive calendar for my room last year, and little did I realize how much I was going to use it! Stop putting unnecessary pressure on yourself to have everything memorized. Write it down where you can see it! This will help you stay organized, and prevent you from missing upcoming deadlines, errands, meetings, or goals.
6) Let it go and Laugh:
Whew! This one. Where do I even begin? You can not change what has happened in your life. Like I stated before, your life story is not your life sentence. Trust me, I know it is easier said than done. I was the Queen of holding on to excess garbage from my past. But I promise, holding on does nothing but slow you down and keep you stuck in an emotional distress. It does nothing to the person or situation that tried to break you. Spiritual books, self-improvement books, counseling, friends, family, and time can help you break free from those shackles. Let it go and enjoy life! It's too short for you to hold on to the nonsense. You deserve to be happy!
7) Self Permission:
Have you ever felt the need to always seek approval from someone other than yourself? Whether it was deciding on a job offer, or a dress you should buy, a business you should start, or anything related to your life? Stop it. Learn how to make decisions on your own without the approval from someone else. Many of us have been conditioned to find external permission and acceptance before moving forward on anything. If you love it, go for it. Be confident and self-assured in the decisions that you make for YOU. And guess what? If you just so happen to make the wrong choice, it's okay! Learn from it. No more coming down hard on our mistakes and shortcomings.
8) Discern your calling and purpose in life:
I have to admit, this is the toughest step. Most of us do not know how to differentiate between a hobby and a calling. In order for you to recognize your purpose in life, you must stay in tuned with your inner self, have a clear mind, and listen to God's word. He reveals your calling in life sometimes in the most subtle way. But how do we know what God is trying to tell us? This is where most people stumble and get confused. Whatever God has called upon your life will bring you passion, proficiency, and profitability.
Passion
What do you daydream about?
What do you love learning about?
What would you do if money was not an issue?
Proficiency
What behavior or skill have you mastered?
When or where have you been rewarded or acknowledged for your skill?
Profitability
Is there a market for your passion and skill?
Can you build a clear monetization strategy?
Keep in mind, these components can not stand alone. Meaning, your calling in life is a combination of all three components (Passion, Proficiency, and Profitability) combined. I advise all of you to put a pen to paper and answer the questions above if you have yet to figure out what your purpose is in life. We all have one.
9) Positive thoughts:
Optimism: a mental attitude reflecting a belief or hope that the outcome of some specific endeavor, or outcomes in general, will be positive, favorable, and desirable. Studies show that positive thoughts not only boost your self-esteem, but it also improves your skills, overall health, and how you view life. It's linked to healthier behaviors and healthier ways of coping with life challenges.
When I became more aware of how I was thinking, I realized how negative I was! I was such a Debbie downer. Sometimes you have to look at life this way: can you control or change certain things? No. So why stress yourself out? It's okay to laugh at the confusion and remind yourself that everything happens for a reason. And yes I know, easier said than done!
I heard one doctor say that your mind is so powerful that you can convince yourself and your body that you are ill. Wow! Think about that. This is why we must be cautious about what we feed our mind, for our mind rules the body and our lives.